🙃 College football's Bottom 10: Toothless Wolverines earn spot after loss to rival

Inspirational thought of the week:

Oh, wait a minute, mister
I didn’t even kiss her
Don’t want no trouble with you
And I know you don’t owe me
But I wish you’d let me
Ask one favor from you

Oh, won’t you gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
Gimme three steps toward the door?
Gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
And you’ll never see me no more

— “Gimme Three Steps,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind an abandoned meat-‘n’-three that sits next door to a Three Thirteen Store with a truck parked in front sporting a Dale Earnhardt slanted No. 3 bumper sticker, we are sitting in our used 1983 BMW 3 Series listening to MP3s of Genesis, The Police and The Outfield while wearing a Dale Murphy No. 3 jersey.

What’s with our trilateral fascination, our pyramidal preoccupation, our sudden triangular attraction? Because there are only three weeks remaining in the 2026 regular season. A trio of games in which to determine one’s football fate. A trichotomy of kickoffs left to either salvage one’s fall … or to just fall. A three-act play during which one will act out a story of triumph or tragedy. A trio of Saturdays — or Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, amirite #MACtion? — to graft gridiron goals from a place of loss into a spot of power with which to carry one’s selves into a happier offseason like a recovered fumble tucked into the arms of a defensive back … or ricocheting off the body of a would-be returner.

A THRILLER IN TUCSON 🌵🔥

Arizona comes back in the fourth to defeat TCU 😤 https://t.co/ctuMFyJC9x

— ESPN College Football (@ESPNCFB) November 7, 2026

With apologies to Tulsa head coach Tre Lamb, former Michigan and Arizona State QB Steven Threet, Heisman Trophy winner RG3 and Steve Harvey, here’s the 2026 post-Week 10 Bottom 10 rankings.

The bad news? After losing at San José State, the Other Huskies remain winless in their inaugural season as members of the Mountain West. The good news? After trips to Arizona, Wyoming, UNLV and San José, they just upgraded to platinum elite. Free checked bag!

The Minors pickaxed themselves into a hole, losing the Pillow Fight of the Week to then-Bottom 10 Wait Listers Huh-why-yuh. Reminder: UTEP travels to Northern Illinois on Nov. 28. Forget the Iron Bowl or Egg Bowl, this could be the Pillow Fight of the Year of the Century Turkey Weekend Mega Bowl.

The Zips continue to mess with the Bottom 10 algorithm by playing Tuesday night games at the exact same time Colonel Sanders, Captain Morgan and I typically compile each week’s rankings. Last week they barely lost to Ohio. This week they fell to Western Not Eastern or Central Michigan.

The Rice Owls are in the middle of two separate flat spin circles of copied combat, having lost to the Florida Atlantic Owls with the Temple Owls two weeks away, but this week they play Tulane, aka TU, before playing Temple, also aka TU, and they’ve already lost to Tulsa, which also goes by TU.

For their rivalry game against then-Bottom 10 Wait Listers Michigan State, the Wolverines brought in Hugh Jackman, aka the Wolverine, for inspiration. Unfortunately, they played less like young “X-Men” Wolverine and more like the old, wrinkly Wolverine from “Logan.” Now, as they are left impaled on the tree trunk that is the Coveted Fifth Spot, everyone in Ann Arbor is dreaming about “Days of Future Past.”

Speaking of krashouts, the Bearkats kouldn’t overkome the Jacksonville State Gamekocks and now kompete with Kennesaw State in a kontest that kould have been a Pillow Fight of the Week, but the Other Other Owls kome in having won konsecutive kontests.  

Have you ever hosted a party that you spent months planning, tirelessly procuring just the right invitation list, only to have everyone on that list come into your house and tear it apart like a party scene at the end of a John Hughes ’80s teen movie? That’s Washington State and the new Pac-12.

The Other Other Owls lost to the East Carolina Pirates and then the Navy Midshipmen. Now they host the UAB Blazers, who thankfully are not ocean based.

The Niners continue to be ranked behind Temple because they continue to have beaten Temple last month. I was in Knoxville last week and one old dude dressed in Big Orange and sounding exactly like Boomhauer from “King of the Hill” said, “Man, you gotta talk sum since inta dat dang ol’ CFP committee, man. Dang ol’ Charlotte beat Temple and you know dat meant sumtin, but dey didn’t think da same ‘bout my dang ol’ Vols beatin’ dat dang ol’ Tide, man. I dunno ‘bout all dat, man, dang.”

10. Sac-Kent-mento State Falcons

Speaking of head-to-head, how about head-to-head-to-head? Two weeks ago, Sacramento State beat State of Kent, but a month ago it lost to Boiling Green, and then Tuesday night Boiling Green beat Kent. Honestly, at this point these three have fallen down the stairs into the #MACtion basement like the bad guys in “Home Alone” and we just hope everyone is OK. They should be since Akron is down there to break their fall.

Waiting List: ULM (pronounced “Uhlm”), Georgia Tech Wrambling Reck, In A Rut-gers, Arkansaw, conference championship games on the endangered species list.