You be the judge: should my girlfriend let me hang my football calendar in her flat?

The prosecution: Henry

It's not a showroom; it's a home. Both people should get a chance to display their personalities

My girlfriend Kitty was preparing to buy a flat and I was so proud of her. We were going to move into it together after living in a shared house. I was going to contribute to the mortgage.

The purchase fell through, but our conversations about it highlighted an issue of control. I think I should have some say over what goes into any new home, but when I said I wanted to hang my Liverpool-themed calendar, Kitty put her foot down. She said it was ugly, childish and not her aesthetic.

Kitty works in interiors and has brilliant taste, but this was supposed to be our shared living space. It's not a showroom; it's a home. In shared spaces, both people should get a chance to show off their personalities, but also put up with bits that your partner wants. The calendar is a bit of my personality. My mum bought it for me, so it's not completely trivial, and I love football. It gives me a sense that it's my home, and I can keep an eye on the dates of the fixtures.

Kitty says she lets me have loads of things, but they tend to be things she also likes. When you move into a home with someone, you have to accept that your partner will bring things you don't like. There are things of Kitty's I wouldn't choose. She ordered a chaise longue and loads of other furniture without asking whether I liked it. But I wouldn't veto those things because they make her feel at home.

This is bigger than the calendar – it made me realise I had a complete lack of agency.

I'm hardly demanding a shrine to Liverpool FC. The calendar is only A4-sized. It could go on the back of the kitchen door and add some colour. Kitty will only allow it to go in a cupboard or a wardrobe. The crux of the issue is that Kitty has to accept some things her partner loves even when she doesn't love them herself. Otherwise, it's not really our home.

The defence: Kitty

It's juvenile and garish. It would be like me sticking a Dua Lipa poster on the wall

I don't want a home that is entirely dictated by my taste, and I already make lots of compromises. For example, Henry has a passion for first world war art, as well as a piano, guitars … We've already got lots of his things I wouldn't have chosen, including his old cigarette packet painting and dining room chairs.

I'm not so strong-minded that I can't be flexible. But the Liverpool calendar is a step too far. It reminds me of living with a teenage boy. And the flat I was buying was tiny, so the calendar would have really affected the overall vibe. It's juvenile and garish. It would be like me sticking a Dua Lipa poster on the wall.

Of course, as an interior designer I care more about such things than the average Joe. And I'm in my 30s and I'd saved up for this flat on my own, so I wanted it to feel like an adult space that combines our tastes. The calendar feels individualistic, so putting my foot down on this occasion shouldn't be interpreted as super-controlling.

He's complaining about the stuff in our current shared home now, but he moved in with me and my friend, who owns it. Henry knew what he was getting into. With the new flat, I put my life savings into it, spending hours planning it and doing it alone. It was incredibly stressful. I felt there was a lack of support and excitement from Henry generally. He made the calendar into a big deal in the middle of all that, which I thought trivial.

I understand that he felt he lacked control, but I also need to make an investment that is right for me, in case he turns around and says he doesn't want to be with me. It's my responsibility to furnish and pay for everything, so it kind of has to lean towards my tastes.

I'm still a hard no on the calendar – he's never even written on it. We can hang it in a wardrobe. I think that's a good compromise, but if people vote against me here, I will reconsider.

The jury of Guardian readers

Kitty, if you are planning to build a life with Harry, you need to accommodate his passions and interests. Hanging a calendar on the back of the kitchen door is hardly a “test of your investmentâ€. If he moves out, the calendar obviously goes too. If you can't accept this, you may not be living together for much longer.
Maria, 40

While I get that Kitty probably has a more of an aesthetic eye than Henry, calling his calendar “juvenile†seems a bit much. The fact it's Liverpool-themed brings a bit of his character to the space they've chosen to share. You'll never walk alone, Henry!
Dean, 46

While neither is “guiltyâ€, the calendar seems to have become symbolic of the couple lacking a shared perspective on buying/moving. Kitty sees her new financial freedom, whereas Henry is solely focused on making it theirs.
Lotte, 33

Henry doesn't deserve to feel like a lodger when he is contributing to the mortgage. It appears he is only allowed things on Kitty's terms. Compromise is key: Henry, stop badgering and support Kitty whilst she is stressed; Kitty, let the guy have his Liverpool calendar!
Gemma, 27

The flat is Kitty's – she is investing her life's savings while accommodating Henry's choices, so the financial burden justifies her aesthetic authority. The wardrobe compromise is reasonable – calendars are temporary and functional anywhere.
Amira, 35

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: is Kitty's refusal to put up Henry's football calendar an own goal?

The poll closes on Wednesday 7 October at 9am BST

Last week's results

We asked if Ned is ruining the wok by whacking up the heat when he cooks.

45% of you said yes – Ned is guilty

55% of you said no – Ned is innocent

Names have been changed